The Diary
by slytherincrush
Summary: What does Draco find in Hermione's diary? Very cliche, very unrealistic, very out of character. If that bothers you, move on, dude. It's all in good fun... Warning: fluff


He stared down at her while she slept, wondering how he had gotten himself into this predicament. _This horrible, wonderful, delightfully obsessive predicament._ He sighed and reached to touch her cheek, stopping himself just before his fingers met her soft rosy skin._ She_ _looks like a little kid when she sleeps_, he thought with a smile. She stirred, rolling over and sighing and he felt a jolt of panic. He quickly walked over to the dresser, bent down and slid the diary back on the floor underneath it. He smirked, shaking his head at what a horrible hiding place she had.

It had been over a month now, and Draco couldn't help himself. Ever since that first time he had spied the small red leather journal in between the cushions of the sofa in the Head common room, he had been hooked. The thrill he had gotten when he skimmed the first few pages and his name appeared over and over again. "…_and then Draco said this…and when Draco looked at me…I wish Draco would_…" it went on and on. He had only gotten to glance at it before he heard her footsteps clattering through the portrait hole, and he had slid it back in between the cushions, quickly getting up and moving to the study desk, pretending he was immersed in a textbook he had hastily opened.

He had snuck a look at her out of the corner of his eye as she entered the common room, obviously looking for what he had just moments before had in his hands. He didn't miss the look of panic in her eyes as she quickly glanced at him before walking over to the couch. She sighed in relief as she saw her journal half-hidden in the sofa and grabbed it, starting to walk down the hall to her bedroom. She had paused and turned to look at him as if she were trying to figure something out. They had locked eyes, and Draco had to force himself not to smile at her. Instead, he glared at her, like he used to when they were kids, trying to look arrogant and condescending. It was quite difficult when inside he was thinking gleefully, _Oh Granger, I love that you have a crush on me…how incredibly cute. I can't wait to read more…_

And he had been. Reading more, that is. Every night for a month, and sometimes on Tuesday mornings when she left early to tutor the fifth years who were falling behind in Transfiguration. It had been easy enough to find her hiding place. He would steal into her room and lose himself in her words. After a few days of sneaking in to read alone, he discovered how much more exciting it was to read it as she slept, curled up and dreaming, probably about him, unaware that he was ravishing her inner-most thoughts, mere inches away from her. More often than not he left her room with a wild fluttering in his stomach, not to mention a fierce erection.

Malfoy couldn't recall ever reading anything that interested him as much. Never in a million years would he have guessed that Hermione fancied him, and certainly not to the degree she described in her journal. It was the fact that it was Hermione that made it so exciting: he couldn't get over the fact that she was hiding such a big secret from him. He could almost feel his ego inflating as he read it. There were countless entries. Although not all were about him, most of them were. And he read all of them. He never skipped over. Some of them were so funny that he had to stifle his laughter as he read them. _I want to punch him and kiss him at the same time,_ she had written once, to his great amusement. _He gets me so angry: I try to have fantasies of killing him, I try so hard but they always turn into fantasies of us snogging._

Never before had Draco read anything quite so exciting. He was delighted to see the secret side of Hermione, the sexy side. And quite a bit of what she wrote was extremely erotic, so much so that when he read it he felt like having a wank right there in her room. Shock wasn't a strong enough word to express how he felt when he read the words…_he is so ridiculously hot: I have only kissed two people in my life, Ron and Viktor, and to be honest just sitting in the same room with Draco is a million times more exciting than kissing either of those two gits. I can hardly stand sharing a bathroom with him because he smells so good…the other day after he finished with his shower I stood in the shower after he'd gone and just inhaled his scent: it turned me on so much, I couldn't s stop thinking about him naked and wet, so I started…_He had practically come in his pajamas as he read the passage describing how she had gotten herself off. He had never been so turned on by anything before in his life, and that night after reading her journal he had gone into the shower and had one of the most satisfying wanks of his life, his eyes shut tightly to thoughts of Hermione fingering herself to orgasm in that very shower. What made it so exciting was that it was beyond a fantasy: he knew it was true.

The more he read, the more he wanted her. He felt he was getting to know her and the more he read the more he wanted to know her. In a very strange way, he began to think of her as his, and he couldn't deny the twinge of resentment he felt when he saw her talking to other guys during class or in Hogsmeade. The more he read of her journal, the greater his desire was to hold her hand, to see her smile. It was becoming increasingly harder to be around her without grabbing her and snogging her silly: he had no idea why it excited him so much that he knew how she felt, but it did. He loved it: he knew it was wrong but it made him feel so heady, so powerful. The fact that she was so vulnerable and didn't even realize it drove him crazy. And he was addicted to what she was writing, what she was feeling about him. It was like a fantasy coming to life before his eyes.

Some of the entries were so heart-wrenchingly sweet that he re-read them over and over again. _I always try to sit behind him in class so that I can just look at him. He is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen: I could stare into his eyes for a million years and never grow bored. If I could just touch his hair one time- just once- I would probably be able to die happy._ _His voice makes me shiver, and his smile makes me ache._ He always smiled as he read these sweet declarations: Merlin, he was unable to wipe the smile off of his face for hours afterwards.

The only ones that didn't make him smile were the sad ones. Draco had never known Hermione to brood or be depressed, and it was with a heavy heart that he read the entries that tended to the darker side. _I hate myself. I don't blame him one bit for thinking I'm disgusting, because I am. I would never tell him how I feel because I know in my heart that he would never want to touch me. Sometimes when I see him, when I look at him he's just so beautiful that it hurts. I want to die. I just wish he would get out of my head, but at the same time I want him there. And I hate myself for it, for wanting something that I can never have. _

He had felt horrible when he read that part, about her thinking she was disgusting. He wanted to grab her, tell her it wasn't true, make mad passionate love to her and show her how desirable she was. But he couldn't. Then he would have had to admit what he had been doing.

Now, as he looked at Hermione sleeping, he felt overcome with a desire to get in the bed with her, instead of returning to his room as he normally did. He walked closer and before he could stop himself he sat down, his hand coming to rest on her head. He took a deep breath and whispered, "Granger." She stirred but didn't wake. He rubbed her back gently, unable to keep the smile off of his face. "Hey, Granger…" he whispered again. She rolled over and slowly opened her eyes, looking up at him. She stared at him for a moment, her expression vague, a hint of a smile on her face. Suddenly her eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open as she sat bolt upright and gasped, scrambling away from him, almost falling off of the bed. He laughed.

"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing in here?" she snapped at him, suddenly wide awake. Even in the faint moonlight coming in through her window he could see her blushing. And then she did something that anyone else would have missed, but Malfoy caught it: she looked over to the place where her journal was hidden, her eyes bright with terror. As she looked back at Malfoy, he couldn't hide his guilty expression.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said quietly. "About something important." She bit her lip, and as he looked at her all the words she had written about him came flooding into his head. He reached to touch her cheek and she jerked her head away as if he had burned her.

"What could you possibly have to talk to me about at this ungodly hour, Draco?" she asked nervously, crossing her arms tightly in front of her. "What is so important that you had to scare me half to death?" She was looking at him with such a mixture of longing and terror that his heart melted. _I just can't tell her,_ he thought to himself. _But I have to have her_.

He cleared his throat and said, "Granger, I just…I just wanted to…be with you," he said, looking at her cautiously. She stared at him in obvious confusion.

"You…I'm sorry…did you just…"she stammered. Suddenly she shook her head as if to clear it then said slowly, "You mean, like, you want to do homework together or something?"

He grinned at her, his eyes twinkling, as she continued to stare at him in confusion. It seemed like something shifted in her eyes as she saw him smile. She blushed and looked away.

"No," he said with a smirk, "I don't mean, like, I want to do homework together..." She snuck another glance at him. "…or something," he added, laughing.

"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what you're saying," Hermione said, her voice shaking, edging even further away from him on the bed.

"Hermione, look at me," Draco said, reaching for her and grabbing her wrist gently. She gasped and froze. She slowly looked up at him, her face a fierce shade of pink. "Hermione," he began, "I want to be with you…because I can't stop thinking about you. I just…want to be close to you," he finished softly.

She stared back at him blankly. When she at last spoke, she sounded as if she were discussing the answer to an Arithmancy problem: "No. There's no way that's correct," she stated matter-of-factly. Draco couldn't help laughing. Again Hermione blushed, looking completely and utterly baffled.

Still holding on to her wrist, he gently pulled her towards him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. She allowed him to hold her, not hugging him back, but leaning her head against him as she closed her eyes. He could feel her heart beating so fast: he could hear her breathing speed up. He slowly rubbed her back, and leaned to brush his lips against her cheek. She shivered and tried to speak, but seemed unable to.

"Malfoy," she whimpered, and as he examined her expression it looked as if she were in great pain, her eyes tightly shut. He pulled her down so that they were lying beside each other, and she slowly opened her eyes to look at him. He smiled at her, reaching to stroke her cheek, feeling her skin burn beneath his touch.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, sounding close to tears.

"Because I want you. Do you want me?" he said, again thinking of all the things he had read, seeing every single word now in her sad brown eyes. The look in her eyes was unlike anything he had ever seen before: it sent tingles all through his body. He could see her trembling and he sighed deeply and leaned over to kiss her. As his lips met hers, she gasped. He kissed her hungrily and grinned into the kiss as he felt how soft and sweet her lips were. Kissing her was even better than he had imagined. He pulled back to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed and she was breathing heavily. He reached down and found her hand, pulling it up to his lips to kiss her fingers.

Her face still registered disbelief as she tried to speak. When she did it was so softly he could barely hear her. "Is…is this real? Am I going to wake up and you'll be gone?" she asked. He shook his head, and lightly traced her lips with his thumb.

"I'm not going anywhere until you kick me out. It's quite real. And you didn't answer my question. Do you want me, as much as I want you?" Hermione stared at him, her eyes still skeptical. Without answering, she suddenly slipped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder, hugging him fiercely. For some reason, as she did this, Draco felt a lump forming in his throat: the emotion traveling between the two of them was so strong he could taste it. His hand slid into her hair and he held her as tightly as he could, trying to tell her everything he couldn't put into words. _I know, Hermione, I know everything, and I'm sorry but please let me love you, please let me try to make your dreams come true…_He felt close to tears as she began to shake and he leaned to breathe softly in her ear, loving how she shivered and whimpered.

"Draco," she whispered against his chest, her voice shaking, "Draco…" He pulled back and smiled at her, leaning to kiss her gently on the lips.

"Yes, Granger, what is it?" he asked softly, as she gazed at him nervously.

"I have to ask you something, but I don't know how to ask you," she said, sounding embarrassed all of a sudden.

"You can ask me anything, Hermione. You can tell me anything," he said, leaning to kiss her again. She returned the kiss breathlessly before she continued. After taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth to speak, then stopped, blushing and looking away.

Draco smiled at her questioningly.

"What is it? Go ahead, say it," he said, pulling her closer to him and holding her tightly. He felt her squirm in his arms sighed with pleasure at how good she felt.

"I…I wanted to ask you…and please tell me the truth." Her voice got even softer and suddenly he knew what she was going to say. He felt his stomach drop in fear as she whispered, "Draco…did you read my diary?" He forced himself to look at her, and she looked back at him miserably. His face fell.

"I…I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself…after the first time…" he stammered, to his horror feeling as if he were about to cry. She just looked at him, and as he tried to explain, she gently reached up to touch his hair. His voice trailed off and he swallowed, unable to continue. She looked at him sadly, not speaking.

"Do you hate me?" he whispered hoarsely, hating himself. She looked at him in surprise, and managed a shy smile.

"If you read my diary, you should know that I could never hate you, Draco," she whispered. His heart began to lighten, and he reached to touch her face. She looked down and whispered, "I woke up one night and saw you sitting on the floor reading it." He gasped and looked at her in shock.

"But why didn't you stop me?" he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

She blushed deeply and looked away. "I…I couldn't. I was too embarrassed. And a part of me was…well," she struggled and he began to smile. "A part of me was surprised that you would even care enough to read it. It was…sort of…exciting." He chuckled, leaning to kiss her again. He was elated that she wasn't mad at him, and he could feel himself falling and falling hard for whatever this was, could feel himself sinking into bliss with this beautiful, sweet creature who was in love with him. As his tongue gently explored hers, he felt her body press up against his as she clung to him fiercely, kissing him back with so much passion that it made him feel dizzy.

"So," he whispered in her ear as his hands began to roam over her body, feeling her writhe against him, "are you going to write about this in your diary?"

"I don't think I could find the proper words to describe it if I tried," she murmured, beginning to kiss his neck, her fingers winding gently through his hair.

They held each other far into the night, not doing much more than kissing and touching. At one point they both fell asleep, clinging to one another as if they had been together forever.

The End

_A/N: this is a one-shot but if anyone wants me to I could add a bit more. I will just go with what the fans want. ;) To everyone who has reviewed my stories, I love you deeply. You kick ass. ____ -sc_


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